The 12 days of a Healthy Christmas Divorce
Others, who have already made that decision, stay together for one last Christmas - often when children are involved, sometimes to save difficult conversations during the festive period.
This can be tough, but a little bit of goodwill can go a long way and it does not have to end there.
Preparation and consideration can help you reduce the strain and cost of separation on a 12-step journey. These are our 12 steps to an amicable divorce.
1. Speak to your spouse about how you see your future
It can be helpful to arrange a time without distractions to explain how you are feeling about the marriage and discuss how you each see your futures. If you understand each other’s perspectives and can work together constructively, it will be easier to reach a fair outcome for both of you. This is likely to result in your divorce process running more smoothly and minimise your legal fees.
2. Remember you no longer need a ‘grounds for divorce’ to initiate proceedings
Family law in England and Wales traditionally required one spouse to divorce the other, usually on the grounds that their actions caused the relationship to fail, which fueled confrontation. The law changed in April 2022 so this is no longer necessary. If you wish to end your marriage you can do so without the need to publicly apportion blame.
3. Talk about future living, financial, child and pet care arrangements
The most effective arrangements involve compromise on both sides. With this in mind, many separating couples find it easier to have conversations about interim arrangements with a counsellor or mediator.
4. Tell your family and children
If you have children, they may benefit from extra support. All children react to their parents’ separation differently. If your children are still in education, we recommend that you inform their school or nursery and consider independent counselling to help them adjust to their new life.
5. Tell friends and work colleagues
Even the most amicable divorce can be stressful so it will help you to have support from friends and colleagues.
Whatever your situation, you are not alone. There are support networks such as Gingerbread, @onlymums and @onlydads which provide forums, information and advice for parents who are separating (or already separated).
6. Pull together financial information
As part of the divorce process you will need to exchange information about assets, liabilities, income streams and pensions so that everyone is clear what is in the family pot to be divided.
7. Decide on solicitors or mediators to represent your interests
A conversation with a law firm will help you decide whether to have representation, and from whom. You can contact Resolution to find a solicitor who advocates non-confrontational divorce.
8. Issue the divorce petition
Your divorce does not officially start until the divorce petition is issued. It is now possible to issue a joint divorce petition, or you may prefer for this to be prepared by one spouse and served on the other. You can discuss and agree who will initiate the process and when.
9. Agree your financial and any care arrangements
You will need to make more permanent arrangements regarding children. These can be agreed between you, with the help of a mediator, collaboratively with solicitors, or with the help of the court via a Child Arrangement Order.
Separate arrangements will need to be agreed regarding the division of the family finances and any ongoing spousal support. The objective will be for the assets to be divided fairly between you and for each spouse to become independent after a period-of-time.
10. Get a Conditional Divorce Order
A Conditional Divorce Order is a document stating that the court does not see any reason why you cannot get divorced and establishing the day the marriage will end.
11. Get a Final Order
It is over. The Final Order officially brings a marriage to an end in England and Wales.
12. Move forward and make new traditions
Remember to update your status by informing insurance companies, schools, employers and your GP. If you have one, you should also consider updating your Will.
Legal Advice
All of the solicitors at Allard Bailey Family Law are committed to a non-confrontational and constructive approach to family law. If you would like to discuss your divorce, separation or child arrangements, please contact Louise Allard or Sabrina Bailey. You can call 020 7993 2936 to arrange a no-obligation consultation.
If you are considering a divorce but are not yet ready to speak to a solicitor, you may wish to use our free family law portal to receive a Free Confidential Report outlining your position.
**Last updated December 2022.**
Filed Under: Insight
Is Private Financial Dispute Resolution a Good Idea?
You can reach an agreement about your divorce finances between yourselves and this is usually preferential to going to Court. However, your divorce settlement must be approved by the Court to be legally binding.
The Court will look for evidence that the financial settlement is fair and meets both of your needs without putting one person under undue pressure or hardship.
As the concepts of fairness and hardship are subjective, it can be difficult to reach an agreement that you both consider to meet these criteria. In this situation, you can request that the Court makes the decision about how to separate your marital finances for you.
Should we go to Court or Arbitration to settle our Divorce?
If you have different views on what is fair, disputes about finances, property and children can continue for months or even years.
If you are unable to reach a compromise through other means, you might consider Family Arbitration as an alternative to Divorce Court.
This blog outlines the process of Divorce Arbitration, highlighting some of the key advantages and disadvantages to help you decide whether to consider it as an option.
Can I Change My Child Maintenance Payments?
The route to change child maintenance payments depends on whether you are making Court-ordered payments or whether your child maintenance is dealt with by the Child Maintenance Service (CMS).
In this blog we focus on the options available to a paying parent who needs to reduce child maintenance payments. However, the same principles of process apply to a receiving parent who wishes to increase payments.
It is important to remember that the repercussions of reducing or stopping payments without agreement are serious and can have a long term effect on your financial situation. It is therefore advisable to take advice from a specialist at the earliest opportunity.
How are Gender Recognition Laws Changing in UK?
Following five years of consultation, the Gender Recognition Act Reform Bill was heard by the Scottish Parliament at the beginning of March. The proposals include reducing the waiting time from two years to three months; removing the need for a medical diagnosis; and reducing the minimum age to apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate from 16.
The proposals are welcomed by Scottish Trans, but they believe the reforms "would still see Scotland with a gender recognition law that is far from world-leading". Where does this leave the trans community south of the border?
Break the Bias When Parents Separate
Women generally take the lead in caring for children and this can leave them in a vulnerable situation if their relationship ends.
We highlight this issue for married and unmarried mothers, discussing how Prenuptial Agreements and Cohabitation Contracts can #BreakTheBias when parents separate.
International Women's Day 2022 #IWD2022
How are Divorce Laws Changing? “No Fault Divorce”
Designed to reduce conflict in divorce proceedings, No-Fault Divorce will remove the need to appoint blame for the breakdown of a marriage or civil partnership and allow couples to make a joint divorce application.
This is a significant change to family law in England and Wales, which has traditionally required one spouse to divorce the other, usually on the grounds that their actions caused the relationship to fail.
Could Mediation Help you Resolve your Family Law Dispute?
It is a practice intended to help people in dispute reach agreement on their own - so that you do not need to involve the Courts.
The idea is that you discuss the situation directly with the other person and try to reach an agreement between you. However, you are able to take independent legal advice at any stage of mediation and it is possible for a solicitor and / or other professionals to attend mediation with you.
All mediation is overseen by a trained and impartial third person, known as the mediator.
Using a Child Contact Centre
It is common for a parent to leave the family home without a fixed address, meaning they do not have anywhere appropriate to take their child.
There will sometimes be extreme circumstances that led to the separation, or it may simply be that the parents’ emotions are too raw and they cannot face seeing each other.
This can be difficult for children who feel caught in the middle.
Could a Co-Parenting App help you Stay Child-Focused?
Apps can provide a focused method of communication which is solely about the children.
Many parents find that apps help them keep on top of their children’s lives and minimise conflict. If communication between parents is breaking down in other settings, such as face to face or by WhatsApp, a co-parenting app can ensure there is always an open channel of communication to make arrangements for your children.
Could Child Inclusive Mediation Help You Agree Child Arrangements?
It is a time of great change and emotion for everyone and it can be difficult to set that aside and reach an agreement between you.
Court proceedings are stressful for all concerned and there is significant delay in the system, but there are alternatives.
We highlight Child Inclusive Mediation as an alternative means of resolving children matters, which can help you lay the foundations for a strong co-parenting relationship moving forward.
Practical Ideas to Continue Contact with your Child
What can parents do to make it easier for children and show that they are still valued by both?
First remember there are many types of contact and if your child misses you, there is rarely a good reason that contact should be limited to the days they see you.
In the age of telephones and video calls, children should be able to speak to both of their parents every day if they want to. You can also write, email and communicate on social media if it is appropriate for your child.
Could a Parenting Plan Help Your Child?
It is natural for this conversation to focus on where they will live and when they will have contact with each parent. It is not easy to know what else to discuss and how to approach it.
Preparing a Parenting Plan will help you consider the entirety of arrangements for your child and how you will work together to parent them moving forward.
By considering situations before they occur, you can provide more certainty and a more positive environment for your child.
Five Steps to Keep Your Child’s Needs at the Forefront of Separation
How parents behave during a divorce or separation will have an impact on the happiness, health and wellbeing of their children.
To minimise the negative effects, it is important to bear this in mind from the outset and set a tone for the separation that keeps your child’s needs at the forefront.
We have prepared five practical steps that can be taken to ensure your child’s needs come first and that a strong foundation is laid for a positive co-parenting relationship.
How do I know if our Prenuptial Agreement is Fair?
A Prenuptial Agreement allows couples to have a degree of self-regulation over their affairs and set out from the outset what will happen if they separate.
It is not about trying to make sure your new spouse does not get anything, but allows couples the opportunity to decide what would be fair for themselves. Most people find it easier to do this when they are experiencing the best of times.
Why should Pensions be included in Divorce Settlements?
Every couple needs to consider every asset available to each person before they can decide what a fair division of assets looks like.
Pensions can often be the biggest asset an individual has, but they are often overlooked, why is this?
Many people simply do not realise that the pension can be shared. Others do not appreciate the long-term value of their spouse’s pension and either knowingly overlook it or agree for it to be offset in a way that does not provide the same level of benefit.
Does BREXIT change rules Parental Child Abduction?
The only exception in England and Wales is if you have a court order directing that you can take the child abroad or if you have a Child Arrangements Order that states the child lives with you, in which case you can usually take them overseas for up to 28 days without seeking consent.
If a parent, guardian or relative takes or keeps a child overseas without the agreement of everyone who has parental responsibility, it is known as International Parental Child Abduction, which is a serious offence.
Has BREXIT changed International Child Arrangements?
As the UK has now fully transitioned from the European Union, there are some subtle but potentially significant changes for parents whose child arrangements involve an EU country.
The UK is no longer subject to the EU laws governing family law, known as Brussels 1, but we are committed to an international agreement known as the Hague Convention. The Hague Convention has been signed by 35 countries including all members of the EU and sets out rules for dealing with parental responsibility, residence, contact and the protection of children across borders. The overriding principles are the same as EU law, but some of the specific applications vary.
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